One day, it will happen.....

I know everyone says, "Don't worry, it will happen one day" and another favorite of mine is, "God controls everything. It will happen when He wants it to." See, the only problem with that is, I am tired of waiting.... I just want to be a Mother. I don't think it's such a difficult request. More often than not, I am very aggravated - not just with God, but with myself, too..... because of all of the things in my life - this is the one that I want really badly, and I have absolutely, positively NO CONTROL over any of it!

Since I was 16 I knew that I would have trouble conceiving. So, I am thankful that I've had so many years to get used to the idea, that my Mommy dreams would be more difficult for me than most other women. And, God bless my poor husband, who has only had a handful of years to realize the extent of how difficult this is going to be. We see other couples our age beginning their families, and we smile and say how wonderful that is - because, it IS! But, at the same time, it's hard to ignore that little chip of your heart that crumbles off each time a new baby pops up.... because it's another reminder that your prayers still haven't been answered.

I know in my right mind, that there are plenty of ways to be a Mommy, but it's telling my heart that, which seems to be the problem. For the most part, I'm Happy Nat - smiling, bubbly, giggly, Natalie, that they all know and love :) But, there are times when I just want to curse everything in my sight and go in a corner and pout - childish? - Yes! It's just how this is, though.

I am so grateful that I have such wonderful friends and family to turn to, though. In the midst of my kid sister popping kiddos out left and right (I'm a kick-ass Aunt, by the way), I've had to turn to my girlfriends a lot and let off a little steam.... God bless them for putting up with me in those instances!!! They always seem to know just what to say to pull me outta my funk.

Since my hubby and I have been on this roller coaster for a few years now, we're finally to a point where we might actually be getting somewhere! Next week is another doctor visit, where we'll learn what our next steps will be in our quest to having our own child. One thing my hub and I agreed on, is that we'd like to expend all of our options before moving on to adoption.... So, right now, our doctors are seeing what all they can do to help us out.

I will certainly keep you guys posted, since, afterall, I decided to create a blog to help me vent (and hopefully cheer) about our progress. So, on with my weekend.... I just had to get this started.



Until next time......