Baby Talk

Sorry it's been so long since my last blog.... I've been busy with Race for the Cure and other projects :) My girlfriends and I completed our annual trip to Dallas for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure! It was amazing, to say the least!

But, now for the good stuff: Baby Talk!

I think I told you guys that I was taking fertility pills to make me ovulate (I'm talking Jon & Kate type stuff here). Well, low & behold... it WORKED! I was performing my usual morning ritual with my little ovulation stick, hopped in the shower, and expected to see a single line on the test strip.... But, to my surprise there they were: two perfectly bold, parallel pink lines! Hallelujah, I OVULATED! (lol)

So, I spent the rest of Tuesday morning like a wild woman.... couldn't concentrate on a thing, and paced the floor at work until I was finally able to get in touch with my doctor. So, it was set. We were to come in Wednesday morning, and she would perform IUI. Surprisingly, I was a lot less frantic than I expected I would be. I think that's mostly in part to my awesome girlfriends, who are refusing to let me throw anymore pity parties, let alone worry myself to death.

So..... yesterday we traveled to DeSoto to see Dr. King. Needless to say we were very nervous, but we were also very excited. I'm not quite sure how to explain it, but it's like a calmness swept over me. I honestly think it was all of the love and good vibes my friends and family were sending our way, and I truly believe that I could feel all of their wonderful thoughts!

The procedure went about as good as it could, but now comes the hard part.... We wait. Yep, that's it.... just waiting. Waiting to see if we have a Michael Phelps in there somewhere that can get this thing done so we can finally get the show on the road! I don't know how my poor husband is going to make it through these next few weeks. He wanted to know how long until I could take a pregnancy test, and I told him four weeks - "FOUR WEEKS?!?!?!" he yelled (lol). I know, that part is the pits.

So, now we'll all just have to hold our horses and think of something else for the next month. Hopefully, I'll wake up one morning... nauseated... pale as a ghost... craving pickles & peanut butter :) I definitely look forward to being pregnant! I sure hope we don't have to wait long.

Until next time.....

One day, it will happen.....

I know everyone says, "Don't worry, it will happen one day" and another favorite of mine is, "God controls everything. It will happen when He wants it to." See, the only problem with that is, I am tired of waiting.... I just want to be a Mother. I don't think it's such a difficult request. More often than not, I am very aggravated - not just with God, but with myself, too..... because of all of the things in my life - this is the one that I want really badly, and I have absolutely, positively NO CONTROL over any of it!

Since I was 16 I knew that I would have trouble conceiving. So, I am thankful that I've had so many years to get used to the idea, that my Mommy dreams would be more difficult for me than most other women. And, God bless my poor husband, who has only had a handful of years to realize the extent of how difficult this is going to be. We see other couples our age beginning their families, and we smile and say how wonderful that is - because, it IS! But, at the same time, it's hard to ignore that little chip of your heart that crumbles off each time a new baby pops up.... because it's another reminder that your prayers still haven't been answered.

I know in my right mind, that there are plenty of ways to be a Mommy, but it's telling my heart that, which seems to be the problem. For the most part, I'm Happy Nat - smiling, bubbly, giggly, Natalie, that they all know and love :) But, there are times when I just want to curse everything in my sight and go in a corner and pout - childish? - Yes! It's just how this is, though.

I am so grateful that I have such wonderful friends and family to turn to, though. In the midst of my kid sister popping kiddos out left and right (I'm a kick-ass Aunt, by the way), I've had to turn to my girlfriends a lot and let off a little steam.... God bless them for putting up with me in those instances!!! They always seem to know just what to say to pull me outta my funk.

Since my hubby and I have been on this roller coaster for a few years now, we're finally to a point where we might actually be getting somewhere! Next week is another doctor visit, where we'll learn what our next steps will be in our quest to having our own child. One thing my hub and I agreed on, is that we'd like to expend all of our options before moving on to adoption.... So, right now, our doctors are seeing what all they can do to help us out.

I will certainly keep you guys posted, since, afterall, I decided to create a blog to help me vent (and hopefully cheer) about our progress. So, on with my weekend.... I just had to get this started.



Until next time......