Well, I have gone from being optimistic, to trying to be realistic. It's time I realize that I'm not going to get everything in life that I want... things can't always go the way I want them to. My mother always told me, "you can do whatever you set your mind to." Well, that's true... and while I still believe her, I think it's time I recognize that being Superwoman isn't gonna happen :)
I think I am a great Aunt, and I'm sure Miss Sophie would agree. But, there will always be a quiet, special place, sort of like the Secret Garden, in my heart - just waiting for a child of my own to fill up with laughter and love. Darl and I have never, and will never give up on this dream... but right now that's all it is... a dream. And, that's ok. It's something to look forward to. A reason to keep fighting.
My mom wants me to be more positive, but I know myself... and if I don't open my mind to the possibility that things might not work out the way I want them to - I have to be ready... so that my heart doesn't shatter into a million little pieces! And my husband, God bless his heart..... he's so convinced that EVERYTHING we try is gonna work.... that's good, I guess. I need him to be the upbeat one. He keeps me from getting too doom-and-gloom :)
Darl and I are going to see if we can beat the odds (since they're stacked so heavily against us), and maybe prove Dr. King and her statistics wrong. I have taken my first round of Clomid and now have the luxury of peeing on a stick every morning (lol) to test if I'm ovulating. If/when, I get a positive sign on the test, I'll call Dr. King and she will perform an IUI procedure on me. We are hopeful that good things come from this, but if not, then we know we're looking at a tough road ahead.
And, I am ok with that. I have decided that God hard-wired me to be the good kind of stubborn - you know, the kind that never gives up. And, I was lucky enough to find a man in this world who is exactly like me in this sense. No matter how many times we've been in the doctors office with them telling us that "no two people were so wrong to end up together in the hopes of reproducing," we still get excited about a new game plan. There is always hope in everything we do.
Something else my mother always told me: God doesn't give you things He knows you can't handle..... and I think she's right.
Until next time.......
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