Waiting Game

Oh, isn't this just so much fun? Waiting and waiting and waiting? At least it's Christmas time, my favorite time of year! And, Miss Sophie realizes this year that SOMETHING big is going on! She loves the "yites" and the "kiss-mas" trees :)

Only one little problem, that I'm going to have to ask you all to pray for: our schedule for IUI looks like it's going to fall on either Christmas Eve or Christmas day... and the Fertility center is NOT open on Christmas Day! So, I'm crossing fingers, praying to the heavens, meditating to Mother Earth, for this to PLEASE work out where we will be in Plano on Christmas Eve getting this procedure done!

All I really want for Christmas this year, is for things to finally fall into place for Darl and I and for us to get the good news that our family is growing!

FINGERS CROSSED!!!!!

Until next time.....

Another Month of hoping

Well, here we go again. Another month of hoping. And, with this being Christmas time, I'm really hoping that the good Lord above is feeling extra soft-hearted.... cause we sure could use an answered prayer!

I go to the doctor again tomorrow so that we can start our THIRD IUI cycle. Yep, that's right - THIRD. You know what they say.... third time's a charm? Let's hope. Cause if this month passes without good news, then in January we start our new year with our one and only attempt at invitro. So..... I'll either be a very happy mommmy by the end of 2010 - or a very skinny pissed off lady (skinny because it is my ultimate goal to be fit again, and I'll need SOMETHING to take my mind off of NOT having my own children).

So, on that note, I'll say good-bye. Hopefully, my next post will bring good news!

Until next time...

In this case, no news is NOT good news

Well, since I haven't been on here screaming with joy, I'm sure you've all guessed by now that our first attempt at IUI did not work. We had such good vibes that whole day, but I guess the stars just weren't aligned for us.

But, you know me... I never go down without a fight :) As I am writing this, we are heading to the doctors office to do our second IUI! it's a very long story, but due to uncontrollable circumstances (and a very up set lair of Garrisons), we have found a new doctor. His methods of treatment are more along the lines of what we were hoping to do anyway, so it actually worked out for the best. So, we are looking forward to today's events & hoping that Dr. Douglas can help us get our long awaited baby.

I'll try not to wait so long to blog this time. Until next time....

Are we there yet?

Well.... we are still waiting..... I swear, this alone just might send me over the edge! :) Darl and I have been impatiently moving through each day like zombies, with nothing on our minds other than "are we?" or "aren't we?" Even though we don't have the faintest idea of what lies ahead for us, we are very hopeful and optimistic. No reason in getting down now....

Plus, I feel GREAT! It could be the beautiful weather we had today, or just being around my husband all day... but I've even noticed a slight change in him. We seem happier.... maybe it's just the idea that I could be pregnant, but whatever the reason - I'm glad that I have Darl and that Darl has me :)

So, we have about another week before I can give you any concrete news.... but, until then, I'm going to try my best to stay relaxed and enjoy life! Halloween is over, Thanksgiving is coming up, then Christmas, then baby Olivia arrives, then Sophie turns two! Much celebration to be had coming up, so even if our news is not the kind we want - we have a lot to be thankful for.

Until next time....

One Week Down....

Well, most of you reading this know me pretty well, and know that I am not the most patient person.... I am a go-getter.... when I set my mind to something, I am usually busy until the job is done. So, having this baby situation be completely out of my grasp is driving me insane! Not to mention, my poor husband texts me every couple of hours asking: "Do you feel pregnant?" (lol)

But, on the bright side (cause there is always a bright side), we are ONE WEEK DOWN! Exactly a week ago today, we had the IUI done, and boy... has it been a heck of a week! I think this whole thing is making me crazier than when I started. Friday of last week, I started taking naps.... uncontrollably tired. I am NOT a nap person. I run best off of about 4-6 hours of sleep. I am most definitely a morning person... or at least I was, until this week. I have been tired almost every day since the procedure! Not to mention the minor headaches. Those started around Sunday. I haven't had problems with consecutive headaches for a few years now.....

So, of course, what do I do? Consult my friend who is a baby nurse! She gave me the workup questionaire she does, and I scored a 13 out of 15, putting me in a category that stated: "you are experiences very early signs of pregnancy. But hold off on the test, it seems it may still be a little early." So, naturally, I have convinced myself that I am prego. LOL!

Honestly, I don't know. I will say, in all truthfulness, that I do feel different. I'm not sure how to explain it, because I'm so scared that I'm going to sound crazy if my pregnancy test comes back negative..... But, I'd like to think that if I AM pregnant.... THIS is what it feels like.

Ignorance is bliss.... so, I'm going to live these next couple of weeks with a positive outlook and a smile on my face! Surely 2 weeks won't go by that slow..... right?


Until next time......

Baby Talk

Sorry it's been so long since my last blog.... I've been busy with Race for the Cure and other projects :) My girlfriends and I completed our annual trip to Dallas for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure! It was amazing, to say the least!

But, now for the good stuff: Baby Talk!

I think I told you guys that I was taking fertility pills to make me ovulate (I'm talking Jon & Kate type stuff here). Well, low & behold... it WORKED! I was performing my usual morning ritual with my little ovulation stick, hopped in the shower, and expected to see a single line on the test strip.... But, to my surprise there they were: two perfectly bold, parallel pink lines! Hallelujah, I OVULATED! (lol)

So, I spent the rest of Tuesday morning like a wild woman.... couldn't concentrate on a thing, and paced the floor at work until I was finally able to get in touch with my doctor. So, it was set. We were to come in Wednesday morning, and she would perform IUI. Surprisingly, I was a lot less frantic than I expected I would be. I think that's mostly in part to my awesome girlfriends, who are refusing to let me throw anymore pity parties, let alone worry myself to death.

So..... yesterday we traveled to DeSoto to see Dr. King. Needless to say we were very nervous, but we were also very excited. I'm not quite sure how to explain it, but it's like a calmness swept over me. I honestly think it was all of the love and good vibes my friends and family were sending our way, and I truly believe that I could feel all of their wonderful thoughts!

The procedure went about as good as it could, but now comes the hard part.... We wait. Yep, that's it.... just waiting. Waiting to see if we have a Michael Phelps in there somewhere that can get this thing done so we can finally get the show on the road! I don't know how my poor husband is going to make it through these next few weeks. He wanted to know how long until I could take a pregnancy test, and I told him four weeks - "FOUR WEEKS?!?!?!" he yelled (lol). I know, that part is the pits.

So, now we'll all just have to hold our horses and think of something else for the next month. Hopefully, I'll wake up one morning... nauseated... pale as a ghost... craving pickles & peanut butter :) I definitely look forward to being pregnant! I sure hope we don't have to wait long.

Until next time.....

Not sure where to go from here...

Well, I have gone from being optimistic, to trying to be realistic. It's time I realize that I'm not going to get everything in life that I want... things can't always go the way I want them to. My mother always told me, "you can do whatever you set your mind to." Well, that's true... and while I still believe her, I think it's time I recognize that being Superwoman isn't gonna happen :)

I think I am a great Aunt, and I'm sure Miss Sophie would agree. But, there will always be a quiet, special place, sort of like the Secret Garden, in my heart - just waiting for a child of my own to fill up with laughter and love. Darl and I have never, and will never give up on this dream... but right now that's all it is... a dream. And, that's ok. It's something to look forward to. A reason to keep fighting.

My mom wants me to be more positive, but I know myself... and if I don't open my mind to the possibility that things might not work out the way I want them to - I have to be ready... so that my heart doesn't shatter into a million little pieces! And my husband, God bless his heart..... he's so convinced that EVERYTHING we try is gonna work.... that's good, I guess. I need him to be the upbeat one. He keeps me from getting too doom-and-gloom :)

Darl and I are going to see if we can beat the odds (since they're stacked so heavily against us), and maybe prove Dr. King and her statistics wrong. I have taken my first round of Clomid and now have the luxury of peeing on a stick every morning (lol) to test if I'm ovulating. If/when, I get a positive sign on the test, I'll call Dr. King and she will perform an IUI procedure on me. We are hopeful that good things come from this, but if not, then we know we're looking at a tough road ahead.

And, I am ok with that. I have decided that God hard-wired me to be the good kind of stubborn - you know, the kind that never gives up. And, I was lucky enough to find a man in this world who is exactly like me in this sense. No matter how many times we've been in the doctors office with them telling us that "no two people were so wrong to end up together in the hopes of reproducing," we still get excited about a new game plan. There is always hope in everything we do.

Something else my mother always told me: God doesn't give you things He knows you can't handle..... and I think she's right.


Until next time.......

Time of the season....

Finally! I have been so ready for the weather to turn crisp! Oh, how I've missed the relaxing feel of the cool, fresh air blowing throughout my house... the sound of the leaves rustling against each other... the beautiful mosaic of reds, yellows and oranges as the fall flowers bloom.... and the smell of Pumpkin Spice candles :)

It's that time of the season when neighbors are switching their door wreaths, setting out their pumpkins and mums, and getting ready for the trick-or-treaters! I love this time of year.... And, today my cute little niece came over to go watch the Fannin County Fair parade with me! Although I was quite disappointed with the parade, watching Sophie was so wonderful! It's amazing how much better things seem through the eyes of a child.... She was so excited to see the other kids sitting around us, and a lady was giving away free puppies, so of course, she had to pet them :) And, she clapped as the horses went by and gave my sister and I a play-by-play of what was happening (we're getting to be very fluent in Sophie-jibber).

Just like her Aunt NaNee, she LOVED the marching band the best... she yelled, "AGAIN!" when they rounded the street corner and started marching away from us :) And, as the miniature ponies trotted closer to us, we turned to see her giggling and clapping and in her sweet voice she whispered, "Aw, horsees..." And, as the pageant contestants drove by waving their best royalty wave, Sophie waved back and hollered, "Bye!" (lol)

She giggled and jabbered as we walked back to my house, and I realized that no matter what happens in life, it's all how you view things. Sophie is my favorite little person in the whole wide world and every time I'm with her, I learn something new. She has the kindest personality and the most beautiful smile! She is and always will be MY Sophie-Girl.

So, I'm gonna say goodbye for now.... time to go sit in my recliner in front of my open windows, enjoy the light breeze and the sound of the sprinkling rain outside, and cuddle up and watch movies. I love days like these and look forward to many many more!

Until next time!......

Today was good news....

I think we got some pretty good news today. We got the okay the move forward with IUI, which stands for Intra-Uterine Insemination (I should have earned the letters OBGYN behind my name by the time this is all over with!). This procedure is the least invasive, and is the easiest of all of the infertility procedures. Of course, we're hoping this works, so we won't have to move on to the more strenuous stuff.

There are steps to take in order to get ready for the procedure, which we've already started (hence my little pill mentioned below). So, hopefully, it won't be too much longer before we actually get to try the procedure - maybe a few weeks? or a month? Either way, we're excited to be doing SOMETHING! LOL....

I am on a mission. I am eating healthier and working out more often (since supposedly losing weight will help my PCOS tremendously). I want to do everything in my power to make this happen.... I just don't see any reason why it shouldn't! :)

Anyways, that's all I have for now.... more waiting. Welcome to my life.


Until next time......

Pray for the people around me!

Well, I finally broke down and decided to let Dr. King's nurse have her way - so, I started this lovely pill called Provera. Now, for those of you who aren't familiar with infertility, there are many drugs out there, specifically designed to alter your hormones. I've decided they must've been concocted by MEN. No woman in her right mind would submit these pills to the FDA for approval, after knowing what kind of roller-coaster these little pills put you through!

Since I suffer from PCOS (polycycstic ovarian syndrome), I do not have a normal cycle. I'm talking, every woman's dream here: maybe three or four cycles a YEAR! Uh-huh, now you know why I can't get prego so easily... Anyway, so Provera is supposed to MAKE you begin a cycle. Makes you wonder exactly HOW this happens, doesn't it? Well, I have taken this pill before, and let me just warn all of my friends and family now.... the side effects ain't pretty! LOL!

I never really experience PMS or suffer from bitchyness or any of that stuff (though, my hubby might disagree with that statement -lol), but it's a totally different story when I'm taking this "magical" little drug. So, do not say that I didn't warn you all! This could be a rough week.....

But, the good thing is, the sooner I get a visit from Aunt Flo, the quicker I can get back to Dr. King, and we can REALLY get some stuff going. So, hopefully, if all goes as planned - we will have some NEWS (good or bad) in the next couple of weeks.

I'll let you know if I've bitten anyone's head off. LOL!

Until next time.....

One day, it will happen.....

I know everyone says, "Don't worry, it will happen one day" and another favorite of mine is, "God controls everything. It will happen when He wants it to." See, the only problem with that is, I am tired of waiting.... I just want to be a Mother. I don't think it's such a difficult request. More often than not, I am very aggravated - not just with God, but with myself, too..... because of all of the things in my life - this is the one that I want really badly, and I have absolutely, positively NO CONTROL over any of it!

Since I was 16 I knew that I would have trouble conceiving. So, I am thankful that I've had so many years to get used to the idea, that my Mommy dreams would be more difficult for me than most other women. And, God bless my poor husband, who has only had a handful of years to realize the extent of how difficult this is going to be. We see other couples our age beginning their families, and we smile and say how wonderful that is - because, it IS! But, at the same time, it's hard to ignore that little chip of your heart that crumbles off each time a new baby pops up.... because it's another reminder that your prayers still haven't been answered.

I know in my right mind, that there are plenty of ways to be a Mommy, but it's telling my heart that, which seems to be the problem. For the most part, I'm Happy Nat - smiling, bubbly, giggly, Natalie, that they all know and love :) But, there are times when I just want to curse everything in my sight and go in a corner and pout - childish? - Yes! It's just how this is, though.

I am so grateful that I have such wonderful friends and family to turn to, though. In the midst of my kid sister popping kiddos out left and right (I'm a kick-ass Aunt, by the way), I've had to turn to my girlfriends a lot and let off a little steam.... God bless them for putting up with me in those instances!!! They always seem to know just what to say to pull me outta my funk.

Since my hubby and I have been on this roller coaster for a few years now, we're finally to a point where we might actually be getting somewhere! Next week is another doctor visit, where we'll learn what our next steps will be in our quest to having our own child. One thing my hub and I agreed on, is that we'd like to expend all of our options before moving on to adoption.... So, right now, our doctors are seeing what all they can do to help us out.

I will certainly keep you guys posted, since, afterall, I decided to create a blog to help me vent (and hopefully cheer) about our progress. So, on with my weekend.... I just had to get this started.



Until next time......